Reflections on a productive AERA

More than anything, this experience provided me with something more valuable than I can really explain: mental invigoration and energy.  It's almost as if someone said, "you're going about this all wrong.  Here--here's where you start," without ever explicitly saying this.

It was about the comments I got in the workshop.  It was about the questions I was asked to answer during my presentations.  And, more than anything, it was about the rejection I got yesterday for my article.  At first, I was sad.  Really sad.  But then it hit me this morning--I had been framing this portion all wrong.  In fact, I'd been thinking about the dissertation itself all wrong.  I kept trying to think about it as a singular project that needed to use the same methods throughout and see everything in the same light.  I realized that's not what I need to do at all.  It's the same topic and elements, yes, but more like 3 different projects using the same data to get to different aspects of the picture.

In the first portion, I'm exploring newspaper data and community interviews, really focusing on discourse analysis to figure out what the power structures present are and how the larger narratives reaffirm the works of folks like Tehranian (2009), Beyoumi (2008), and Maira (2009), who all state that Muslims have been framed as a monolithic whole, of one mind and thought, looking similarly, and of "the imagined unified region known as the Middle East" (Tehranian).  I'm able to show the shift in focus over time through basic numerical data, as there are far more articles in 2001 on Muslims and Arabs than there were prior.  Though the numbers decrease after 2001, there are still surges in some years such as 2003 (the start of the Iraq War seems to have some impact here) and 2005 (I'm not really sure why on that one!)  and they haven't receded to pre-2001 numbers yet.  Framing has also changed as where "Arab" used to be the primary word of choice (and often used inaccurately in the OP ED pieces I'm looking at), "Muslim" is now more in focus and the words are slightly more likely to occur together  (which indicates to a degree an increased awareness that just because someone is "Arab" doesn't mean that they are Muslim!) Community interviews reveal a divide in knowledge about realities post-9/11 (but as I'm still transcribing these and not yet begun to analyze much, I don't want to say much on this at this point!)

The next section of the project looks at the narratives of my "core" participants.  Using a sort of open coding and grounded theory approach, we've looked for themes similar across the narratives to talk about some important questions and concepts that have come up in the analysis process.  While this, I believe, doesn't do justice to the stories themselves, it's a nice way to summarize findings and raise a few questions.  To better address the stories as a whole and present a less comparative approach, each of these four narratives is presented as a case study of sorts, in narrative inquiry style/methodology.

Finally, and in order to answer the final question ("how do the individual narratives align or disalign with  larger discourses in media and the community?") ...I'm not sure.  This, I think, as I get further into narrative inquiry methods, this may actually be addressed in the case study narratives themselves.

The challenge I was given at the workshop, I think, has become another important question for me to answer in the findings.  One of the other dissertating folks said "I'd love to hear the ways in which these stories and this process has shaped you and your identity/identities."  I really hadn't thought about it before, but I think this is probably the next chapter or portion of a chapter that I start working on as it's been on my mind for the last five days straight :D  As usual, I think the hardest portion will be writing the conclusions and implications.

Like I said, it's almost like it suddenly hit me that this is 3 different projects using the same data and therefore making it seem like a mess from afar, but more like a three dimensional, multi-disiciplinary image as you get down to it.  A challenge to create, for sure, but it's become an important creation for me as I hope to help others from multiple understandings within education perceive the importance and complexity of the issues I'm trying to address.

I'd love to hear any other thoughts/questions out there!  As it stands, the intro is done (with some more lit review to be worked on/added, of course), and the newspaper/community interview chapter is about half finished.  I have 3 of the 4 narratives drafted though still in progress, and I'm honestly hoping to get to work on the findings now.  No, I know I'm not "done" with the analysis, but there are things that keep coming up and need to be addressed for sure, even if I end up having to scrap it later because it no longer seems accurate at the end. With any luck, I'll have a draft at least of everything by July :D It is happening and it will happen.  It's such a good feeling to come home from the conference and realize I'm actually sort of closer than I thought I was to finishing!

Vancouver

Again, it's not dissertation related, but hit me so hard tonight as I'm here to present my research that I have to share this.

Vancouver

At the conference center,

Abuzz with excitement,

Talk of measurement

Evaluation

Social contexts of learning

And social justice,

I am awed

By the mountains

‘cross the water

and the breeze

that drifts by

as hydroplanes

swoop down

and gulls glide by

and all seems still

people stop

at coffee bars

at department stores

at art galleries

awed by beauty,

enjoying their freedom

in the midst

of conference talk

and business talk

and busy talk

I walk

Out the doors,

Up five blocks

And turn on Granville

Towards my hotel

It doesn’t take long

Before the scenery changes

The busy streets

And shops

And happy people

Are still there

But every few feet, every block

Someone is lying down

Under an awning

On a heated grate

By a bus shelter

The first man I pass along the way

Is sleeping, as he was when I walked by this morning.

I know it’s the same man, though I never see his face

His clothes are the same.

Black pants, black hoodie pulled up, and curled almost into a ball.

He doesn’t beg.

The next man is sitting next to a store

 by the entrance and singing

The next is a group of drummers

 sitting next to a store entry and working together in rhythm.

This feels more like the indie music scene

I was told about in this neighborhood

But I know it’s not quite.

I see their clear plastic starbucks cups

And the sign that says “please”

I walk by the old theaters,

The symphony,

The giant record store across the street

People are talking, laughing,

Dressed for concerts

Walking quickly

By people sitting quiet, dirty, with cups

Signs that say “any change will help”

And no one seems to see them

And I just can’t get over the contrasts,

The disparities I’m seeing.

Then I’m on the block I hate.

The one that breaks my heart,

As I see him again.

The kind boy with the dark hair

And beautiful dark eyes.

He talks quietly to each person that passes by

“Please, miss, do you have any change?”

I say yesterday that I’m from out of town and have no cash

(It’s true.  I didn’t take any out and don’t have a debit card with me)

“A penny even?”

“not even that,” I smile at him sadly.

Today, I can’t even look.

I know he won’t remember me,

But I see his face,

Hear his quiet desperation

His kind words to all those who walk by

Most don’t even acknowledge that he’s there.

Then something worse happens.

Something I can’t really believe.

I hear a clanging sound ahead of me

And notice a man,

Sitting under the bus stop awning

With his clear starbucks cup

Sprawled several feet in front of him.

They at least sort of stop to say “sorry.”

She says “oh. Sorry,”

and he says, “yeah, she’s sorry.”

And they keep walking

Never stopping to help.

After the boy,

and not having any change to give  him myself

I stoop and scoop

And he says “thank you miss”

Over and over

And I just say quietly,

“I can’t believe they didn’t stop to help”

“I can’t believe it either.  I’m 64 years old and I can’t believe it either.”

We don’t talk after that, just attend to the work

Another girl stops to help

And we leave when we’re done.

His cup was mostly full of pennies,

with a few nickels

and one quarter that I saw

I can almost justify the young boy on the street.

Teenage runaway, perhaps?

But the 64-year-old man,

Who wasn’t yelling like some of the other street people

Or talking to himself

And just kept thanking us for helping

What’s the reason he’s there?

No one who’s old enough to be a grandfather

Deserves to be on the street.

Where are their families?

Downtown, all is beautiful

Especially by the Harbor

And where the Olympic buildings are

Gastown tells the story of a booming drug traffic,

But only in certain parks and on corners

Most tourists wouldn’t see

Yorktown and the Granville neighborhood

Where I walk to

Back to my room

Tell a different story

The story I was compelled to tell here

Of how easily

People become invisible

And how even in moments they are visible

When the coins spill

Most people choose to let them become invisible again.

I never thought I’d leave Vancouver

With a heavy heart

And a lasting impression

Of the sadness in this city

Instead of the conference

But I think this is what will follow me home.

Hopefully tomorrow, if I see the boy,

I’ll remember to stop and ask if I can get him food

I may not have cash

But I still have power to notice

And to respond

To human need. 

I'm sorry

To those that subscribe,
A post that never should have been posted publicly was apparently sent to all of you as part of my blog.  I sincerely apologize for this, as it was a rough day and I was trying to "write out" my frustrations, having no idea anyone else would see them.

I guess sometimes a bad day kicks you twice, and words even on paper live to haunt you another day.

Let the dissertation work continue post haste--and say a prayer that it's finished by mid to late fall!  I head to AERA and two days of workshops next week to tweak and refine, sans family.  I am hopeful that it's productive and rejuvenating for all of us.