Day 9: Choosing how I see my struggles and successes

A year ago, a day like today probably would have undone me completely--Donuts at MOPS (I managed to avoid then, but ate a bagel--not much better..), melting down 3 year olds, oldest coming home with a stomach bug and then all 3 kids having stomach issues.  Lots of crying, begging me to get things, and barely a moment to collect myself.

And, absentmindedly, I ate part of a donut. I was focused on getting in more protein, keeping my cool, mind from attacking itself. And still that familiar "I'm not sure I can make it to 5 o clock without binging now that I've given in today."

So I reframed it--I resisted donuts at MOPS.  I came home and had a protein shake.  I had 6 glasses of water at MOPS and another 5 when I got home.  I am still remembering to make good choices and all is not "done."  Yeah, I'm not real pleased with the way this cleanse has gone because of little stress out/stress eatings like this one, but I keep going.

Because it's not about that "but I was doing so well and then I..." It's about "Then I..."

What I've learned is that dwelling on that and trying to focus on that only hinders things-- It's about what I do NEXT that matters.

One of the most memorable poems I know deals with this--

Cheesy, I know but kind of true.  I could sit on my duff and wallow in the fact that I was struggling, or I could look for a branch, a hand, anything--and pull myself up and right my vision.  I could think, "I ate sugar today," or "I have had almost a gallon of water so far today.  I cooked ground turkey with homemade taco seasoning.  I walked my son to and from school. I worked on my resume and job interview questions." 

These are all true--not things I would have focused on a year ago, but I try to now.  Because what comes next is "Can I drink one more glass of water right now? Can I roast some awesome onion and sweet peppers to go with dinner?  Can I have a dance party with my kids?" Trust me--it feels a lot better than the question I used to ask ("Can I keep myself from eating any more sugar?") because THIS focuses on the positive ways forward rather than focusing on avoid bad behaviors. 

I guess you could say that I realized I kept sitting in my butt prints and it was time to look around,  realize that my legs were strong and the beach was beautiful and if I stopped focusing on not falling down, I might actually run further and faster ;) 

Day 6: Learning"Self Care isn't Selfish" and rediscovering personhood

I'm not afraid to say it--I got lost.  In my academic identities, in my kids, in...a years' long funk perhaps? I knew that binding my identity up in my work and kids alone and defining myself through them wasn't healthy, but I'm not even sure I knew I was doing it.

I was busy.  I didn't think about the fact that 'normal' people probably didn't analyze the articulation and speaking rate of those they spoke with.  I don't think  I realized (thanks to my love of Veronica Mars and Big Fish) that internally narrating events and re-narrating events until I found the right words to write was abnormal.  Just like I didn't realize that a baby that cried 5-6 hours a day wasn't normal when I had my first until a pediatrician finally noticed MY dark circles when my son was 2 months old and asked the right questions (reflux and colic are evil, and we had them with both boys).  Then there was the spinning, the awkward approaching of adults (not kids) to talk, limited speech...and I finally had the drive to ask questions and push for help when, as an Education PhD student, I realized my 3 year old wasn't developing normally.

I think I actually stopped talking to EVERYONE except 1) family 2) husband 3) our "Game Night" friends 4) My advisor and 5) my research team.  Yes, seriously.  Getting through testing, IEPs, and the mourning of particular things (will he ever say "I love you, mom"?  even potty train?  Will he be able to make more friends?  Attend a regular school? Want to do things like Prom? Will he be able to live independently one day?) meant that I withdrew big time.  Not to "live," but to take care of him and finish my degree.  I rarely sat to eat as I had to chase him, took him to lots of appointments/therapies and doctors, and even when I had a babysitter helping I was usually studying or working. As he got older and 1 kid became 2 boys, it was even more that way.  My second ate/nursed CONSTANTLY.  I was sitting now (my oldest was calming a bit), but unless I found a way to read one handed, it was mostly about feeding that baby and keeping the preschooler out of trouble. Even though I'd finished my PhD, I was still thinking in terms of academia.  My best friend/God mother of my boy's death  changed things a bit--I made myself branch out and joined MOPS to make more friends. But even that was about kids, really.  Then I had my third (surprise!) baby, and she kept me even busier with a Kindergartener, toddler AND a baby who I basically molded my world around--we found that Taekwondo met our son (with Autism)'s needs for balance, focus and discipline best and enrolled him and his brother.  I took them, practiced with them, cheered them on...and then was making lunches, reading to everyone, helping with homework (and trying to make it interesting)...and it was all about them.

And something slowly changed for me in the last year.  It's not just that I realized the phrase "you've got to take care of yourself first before you can take good care of them" is true.  It's that I realized somewhere beneath the "mommy"-ness of me, there's still a growing, changing person.  I love learning new things.  I love coloring.  I've grown to love CURVES and working out and my support group there (something I NEVER would have expected 4 years ago when I started going, though much more sporadically than I should have).  I love hockey and mystery novels and spending time outside on the porch when the sky is blue, the wind is blowing, and the kids are playing around me.

But I also still love alone time.  A neighbor saw me the other day walking after the kids had gone to bed and said "If you need someone to walk with, call me!"  I went walking again tonight and I didn't call.  It's not that I don't sometimes walk with a buddy--I do--BUT tonight, with my itunes playing and walking my myself, it was energizing.

I used to feel guilty every time I left my husband alone with the kids--they cried, and I felt like I was somehow failing them and him, since they were MY responsibility most of the time.  Some days I still feel guilty when I don't take them somewhere with me and they're awake, but then I remember that it's healthy for us to be apart and for both of us to know who we are apart from each other.

That's part of the struggle with women especially and weight--I think we sometimes forget we have physical bodies.  That's not to say that we believe we're all metaphysical, but, rather, than after having other people pass through our bodies, it's hard to believe that it still belongs to us and that the squealing things in our arms aren't the only things we need to care for.

Because we silence that screaming in ourselves sometimes, to nurture others, it's been important for me to remember how to advocate--not just for others, but also for my self--my physical being, my sanity, my emotional health.

Something Tina Fey wrote in a piece for TIME about Ronda Roussey keeps running through my mind today that I think neatly sums up the importance of self care and holding on to the belief of our worth:

"Imagine if we could teach our daughters to value their bodies for what they can do, not for how others think they look. Could Ronda Rousey be the one to finally help us understand that as females, we define the word feminine and that it doesn't define us?"--Tina Fey

WE define who we are and what we should do, not how we think others think we should operate. I only hope I can teach my daughter to be this brave and this true to herself, hopefully earlier in her life than I finally felt comfortable tackling it.

Day 5: Cauliflower? I hardly know her!

I think I've mentioned several times by now that I love rice.  I had a rice cooker on our wedding registry 12 years ago.  We've been through 3 of them now.  My husband will tell you that especially when we first got married, I had no problem making recipes with rice in them 3 times a week.

And now I'm learning that PCOS makes it harder to process carbs.  So what's a girl to do?

I guess join in that "vegetables posing as your favorite carbs" thing.  Since my kids don't want to touch anything that's green, much to my shagrin, the zoodles (zuchini noodles) option isn't working so well yet (can you do it with yellow squash?) but I have tried cauliflower rice.

I'm not going to lie--I HATE cooked cauliflower.  The smell turns my stomach (maybe it's from all those years working in the dining commons at the college and the dish room smell of food being sanitized off plates?  who knows.) The first time I thought, "Oh!  This looks like a good idea.  Steam it first!"  NOT GOOD IDEA.  The pungent smell meant there was no way it was passing as rice for me.

Then I found this: Curried Cauliflower Rice

http://www.dinner-mom.com/curried-cauliflower-rice/

Quick?  With Garlic, Onion, and Curry?  YESS!!! I'll admit--their approach WAS easier--cut in half, take out the core, pulse in a food processor (as step I'd done before, but not as effective then because I had too much stem), and then saute.  Extras could be frozen in portion-sized bags.  Oh I loved this--one prep for  4 family meals! 

 After adding some oil, garlic, curry and chicken, this was my lunch!

Yeah, it was WAY better than the first time! I'm slowly warming up to cauliflower again...but never steamed or served in a college dining commons again!

 Pros: easy to prep, easy to make, freezes well for later use, big yield! (8 cups or more from 2 heads). Cons: messy! Thanks to my little one spinning my cabinet, it got on pots, pans and a shelf. Dividing it led to crumbs on the stove

After this test run, I'll try the full recipe for dinner--fingers crossed that the kids will at least try it (the 15 month old always tries, the 3 year old almost exclusively rejects anything I make, and the 6 year old is hit and miss).

I will say though that next time, I may make it on my back porch as my kitchen counters/surfaces now seem covered in cauliflower confetti (it's rather messy to make!)

What are some ways you've found to replace your favorite carbs with healthier options?

Day 4: Fighting my "What if" Monster and Sleuthing out problems

One of my absolute favorite books to read to my little guys (6 and 3) right now is called Jonathan James and the "What If?" Monster. It's about a little boy who's dealing with a "What If" Monster in his head, "Filling us up with worry and dread." You can see the author reading the book in the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmNQulc7pPI

My boys come by it honestly.  I was the kid that had my mom reading "Your Worry-Wart Child" by the time I was in sixth grade.  I was the kid who almost never slept the nights before tests.  My boys are too young to deal with much testing, but the three year old is terrified:
*of the dark (even though he sleeps with a twilight turtle)
* of being alone (he shares a room with his brother now, so this helps)
*of big dogs
*of tunnels
* of going to Taekwondo (though he loves it when he gets there)


And the list goes on.  His 6-year-old brother's list is pretty long too.  I often listen to LOTS of fears right before they go to sleep and we try to talk through them.

The thing is, though I'm not AS fearful as I was as a kid, I still have LOTS of them, like:
*Ethical questions over clothes I buy and yet trying to be budget conscious
*Making the best choices I can for my family's health in terms of food, but also making sure I have things they WILL eat
* Educational choices for my boys' IEPs--making sure I advocate for their needs, knowing when to get them tested for delays, trying my best to model language and actions that will help them past delays and having them enrolled in things like Taekwondo that helps their balance, agility, ability to focus, etc.
*School District/area of St. Louis--making sure we are in an area where they can get a good education, but also carefully balancing in diversity and empathy for those different than themselves (trust me--the more I watch and read, the harder this seems to accomplish in Greater St. Louis)
*Trying to balance part time teaching, full time motherhood, and full time keeper of the house--and usually one or two of those slip constantly if we're honest.
*And then there's my health, my stress, and my sleep levels.

I used to sit around and compare and plan and do my BEST to do organic, things my kids would eat,  ethical...and round and round and round and eventually we'd go out to eat or make tacos or something simple like that and I'd feel GUILTY, knowing that I almost certainly didn't make the right choice but had run out of time and energy.

This summer, I finally talked back to my "What if" Monster.  "I have to stop doing nothing and worrying about my choices.  It's time to go or get off the pot."  So I said, "I'm trying this." I'm constantly re-evaluating, based on time-money-energy factors though.  For example, this morning  I had an eczema flare up after adding in OmegaPlex to my routine last night.  I did some digging and was surprised by what I found.  I had my gallbladder removed my senior year of college and was told then that "You should have no further problems."  Nothing else, really, other than after care for the laproscopic wounds.  Within a year, I could no longer eat processed meats without severe pain.  After I had my oldest son, I developed lactose intolerance, but assumed they were unrelated.  when I did a search on the Omega 3s, it started to fall into place--I was missing a HUGE piece in my health puzzle, and then I stumbled upon this:

http://www.oasisadvancedwellness.com/learning/living-without-gallbladder.html
Without knowing it, I wasn't taking care of body's needs and I needed to up my game.  my body no longer digested fats as well as it used to (and that I'd figured out), and the cleanse phases were doing wonders for my overall wellness, but because I had no gallbladder, I couldn't process Omega 3s!  They were actually being turned INTO fat!  No wonder I wasn't losing much weight/stayed heavy even when exercising and eating right and was now having eczema outbreaks--my body couldn't handle the 03s~! I'd heard MOST of this stuff before and had gone to mostly natural cleaning products, deodorant, ACV water, cleanses...but not the digestive enzymes.  I thought doing the rest, this wouldn't matter.  Well, my skin says otherwise today, and so I ordered digestive enzymes after explaining this to my husband.  "What's the worst that could happen?  Nothing?"  He said.

And then it clicked--this has sort of become our new motto.  We were the cautious "let's wait and see" folks not too long ago. When our oldest was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, we had to become a little more comfortable with experimenting: elimination diets, supplements, medicines, behavioral therapies because that was about "trying something else can't be any worse than the 'doing nothing' we have been doing." When I was tired of not finding full time teaching gigs and tired of staying at home full time and tired of being THIS heavy, it was 'Okay.  I'm trying something new and walking away from the familiar--what's the worst that could happen?"

It sounds negative at first, I think, but what we mean is "I trust us.  I'm stepping out in faith, not knowing where this will go, but it's time to silence the 'What If?' fears and move in the direction of action.

So tomorrow I get to start digestive enzymes, and hope they help.  Lord knows I could use the "mind strengthening" power of Omega oils working in my favor right now!

Day 3 of the challenge: Learning to Give myself more Grace, and accepting wisdom

Today started off with another message from Christa--"I read your blog.  Did you say you were hungry the first day?  What were your snacks?"

Now, I *thought* I knew "the rules" and was supposed to stick to things under 200 calories for snacks,  but then Christa sent me THIS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRSQnz2g7SI

I was flabbergasted.  It's not often you end up realizing that you're not eating enough on a cleanse!  I'm used to a handful of almonds and a few slices of apple, or a teaspoon of PB and celery...but proteins that aren't nuts--I wasn't eating enough, quantity-wise, and so now I'm diving into grilled chicken strips or eggs and veggies, and feeling fuller during the day.  I was so grateful for Christa's encouragement and eating suggestions today.  

Meanwhile, I've also been searching for some recipe ideas incorporating protein powder into things other than shakes.  One of my favorite finds is:

AdvoCare Protein Snack Balls! 

- 1 AdvoCare Meal Replacement Shake (any flavor) OR 2 scoops protein powder any kind
- 1/2-3/4 cup nut butter (based on preference)
- 1 tbsp. honey
Take 1 tbsp. of dough and roll into a ball. Roll in desired topping and enjoy!
Topping Ideas:
Unsweetened coconut flakes
Mini chocolate chips (great for a dessert option)
Oats
Slivered almonds
Chopped nuts

Makes 4 servings. Store in the refrigerator in an airtight container.

My new favorite place to find recipes, outside of challenge support groups, has been 

https://www.facebook.com/AdvoCare-Recipe-Box-112348805520770/

There are  tons of seasonally-appropriate ideas and additional recipes added  all the time :D  In the winter, when I got tired of not having a hot beverage and spark seemed less appealing, I found an Sugar free apple cider and orange spark recipe that made me look forward to my mornings again! 

 I am making progress at adding new, fresh ideas into our meal and snack rotations,  But where I need to give myself grace is...well, daily life.  I know I'm a stress eater and though I've gotten much better about the quantity and quality, I really struggle not to give in to chocolate when my 3 year old is screaming, kicking and pulling my hair. Today, I gave in more to cravings than I'd like, BUT I still got back on track, finished out the day with supplements, portion sizing and a protein shake now before bed.  Tomorrow is another opportunity for clean eating, and I'm looking forward to a grocery run for some more veggies and trying my hand again at making cauliflower rice (fingers crossed it goes better this time than last!)

Challenge Day 2: Revelations and Explanations

Day 2 started off with fiber before spark.  Why didn't I remember this yesterday?  Instead of being ravenous today, I had to remind myself to eat!  It's a good thing too because I had to take my 3 year old in for a 2 1/2 hour assessment to determine eligibility for early childhood services.  Yep--I have a second child in special needs programs now (though he's probably going to outgrow it pretty quickly, based on post-evaluation conversations with the evaluators).

I was talking to a friend who tried spark for the first time today, and the conversation went like this:

s it less sugar and stuff than a latte?

Like is it healthier for you

Way less!

Okay

Yes. By far. It's better than coffee with creamer, sugar wise, so it's got to be better than a latte.

Well I mean that might be a helpful transition thing for me

https://www.advocare.com/products/Active/A7093.aspx

AdvoCare Spark®

AdvoCare - We Build Champions

advocare.com

Oh it's got vitamins and minerals??

yep. I love it for the B vitamin boost (happy stuff for adrenals) and the insitol ( the belly fat fighter) grin emoticon

full disclosure: I haven't been able to find out how much splenda/sucralose is in each one.

I've looked for months!

Lol

I just have to decrease sugar intake

And get healthier

I understand--it's just something I take pretty seriously too, since my kid is sensitive to all food additives and I became a nutrition facts reading sleuth 4 years ago wink emoticon

And I realized that most people who think that I'm a crazy stickler about what I'm putting into my body don't know that part of the story.  It's fine--I always forget that others aren't as label-reading crazy (and I'm fighting to get more information beyond what's on the label for particular items!) as I've become, and the reasons why.  This link explains a lot of it in detail:
http://forwardtowardsfaith.blogspot.com/2012/06/riding-food-dye-wave.html

In short, though, I'll put it this way--when my oldest son was 2 1/2 and super hyper (before he was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD), someone suggested that because benedryl wound him up, mountain Dew might do the opposite for us...and then he stayed awake for 72 hours.  He's had rash and IBS-type flare ups, too, and the holistic doctor we visited to try and get a handle on things suggested that I keep a food journal and then a food elimination diet for awhile. Not only did we discover a lactose intolerance, but also strong behavioral reactions to white breads (perhaps a sugar issue?) and yellow 5/6.  Yellow 5 can sometimes simply be on a label as "color added" or occasionally in things like "annato extract"--things that have more than one ingredient themselves but can be 'ok'd when written as if they're a single ingredient.  We've become much more careful about reading labels well to avoid meltdowns or inability to sleep (but it still happens on occasion).  When we put him on the diet, I felt AWFUL about taking so much away from him that I did it myself and discovered that I'd developed lactose intolerance as well and my eczema corresponded to particular things I was eating as well.

All of this to say that this is another reason I use Advocare products--yes, there are some things with added flavor and the occasional color (though mostly beet extract and the like), as well as some splenda in it, but nutrition-wise?  It's SOLID.  They're very careful to not say that it's gluten free or without contacts to allergens because there may be some cross contamination, but as a label-reader/safety/health-obsessed person, let me tell you that for a mass-marketed product, I have been incredibly impressed that my research has yielded very little negative press for the products.  I can list them all on one hand (or less).  It's not your high-end, bio-engineered to suit your individual needs supplement, but it meets a LOT of needs for a lot of people.

More than that, they do have an entire medical advisory board that's happy to talk about the products, their impact, and choose to ensure quality and vouch for the quality of the products:
https://www.advocare.com/science/

Like I said, this may not be important to most people, but it makes a world of difference to someone like me who has fought allergies and behavioral issues due to food reactions inside their houses!

Challenge Day 1: The first cut is the deepest....

I get excited every time I decide to do a new challenge because I remember the end result where I have TONS of energy and feel toned and awesome...

And I forget the first day.

You All...I'm not going to lie.  The first day?  Always stinks!  I'm in better shape than first time I did it as I rarely drink coffee anymore (maybe 1 cup a week?) and I'm in the habit of drinking the water I need, but there are things that don't fit well with the challenge factors.

I love cheese and carbs.  I don't even eat as much of it as I used to, but I think 90% of the difficulty of a challenge is mental.

I WANT the things because I'm not supposed to have those things.  And today was also the day that my toddler, in all of her sweetness, decided she REALLY wanted to share with mama and was almost offended that I didn't want her cheddar rockets or string cheese or fruit leather.

I honestly did pretty well resisting today but I did struggle with feeling HUNGRY and didn't feel like the "as many green vegetables as you want" was going to cut it. And I kept drinking water to try and help.

How hungry was I?  I had 20 glasses of water (160 oz) so far today, and I ate sweet peppers, celery and nuts as snacks between well portioned meals...and then I had 1 cup of avocado, black beans, tomatoes and green chilies as a dip (1 avocado, mashed + one can black beans + one can diced tomatoes with chilies.  Mix and keep as a dip for up to 3 days in the refrigerator) with celery as my before bed snack...and finally, for the first time today, felt full/satisfied.  That little bit of extra healthy fats and complex carbohydrates finally did the trick! I don't think I've EVER felt this hungry at the start of a challenge before but I made it!

And let me tell you a secret--day two or three is SO much easier.  Why?  As part of the cleanse, you take extra fiber every morning.  It really does help you feel fuller once things get going, but the first few days it takes awhile for your body to adjust.  The best part of being on my third challenge is knowing that's coming.  I remember being worried my first challenge that I'd feel hungry and sooo tired the whole time (benefits of majorly decreasing my coffee habit is that my energy levels are more stable and, dare I say it? I think I have more energy now that I don't drink much coffee!)

I didn't quit the first time through the 24 days, and I won't this time either--Christa has already called twice to see how I'm doing so far, Jess is sending me messages on facebook, and I know from experience that it only gets better from here :D

Prepping for a 24 day challenge

Usually, a 24 day challenge comes in a package of sorts-- 10 day cleanse (herbal cleanse + fiber),  14 day max phase (MNS nutritional system/vitamins + meal replacement) and a booklet that walks you through the challenge step by step--BUT  it also is available in "virtual coach" form (https://www.advocare.com/24daychallenge/VirtualCoach/default.aspx)  AND/or as an app for your smart phone!
RESOURCES

iphone: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/advocare-24-day-challenge/id848270070?mt=8
android:https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.advocare&hl=en

Sounds....daunting?  it's not--there's a LOT of freedom in how you approach it.  Here's a sample "meal plan"

Lunch

Protein + Veggies + Complex Carb

As a Type A personality, I honestly found the freedom daunting (as I wasn't sure what was sure what to make!)  and they cover that, too! 

https://www.advocare.com/24daychallenge/VirtualCoach/mealPlanning.aspx

Grocery list (not for specific recipes, but examples of proteins, veggies, complex carbs and tips for how to best shop the store for what you need), snack ideas, and recipes--all for downloading.  

HOW I PREP

*I sit down and plan out dinners for a week, along with snacks

*We create a grocery shopping list, along with coupons (yay for shop n save's new electronic app and coupons)

*After shopping, I chop and cut and package into portions where I can--this is ALWAYS the most helpful for me when I'm thinking about the week and trying to stay healthy, as making things easy to grab quickly makes them much more appealing for me and the kids. 

And most importantly--I start good/better habits before I *officially* have to.  Drinking at least half my weight in water a day is the goal, and watching portion size, and remembering to have protein in my breakfast are all things I've tried to be working on daily whether or not I'm doing a challenge.  Prep days (1-2 days before I start) are days I'm even more focused on these. 

That's it!  Seriously--planning meals, prepping fruits and veggies, and being conscious of building good habits in the days prior to a challenge are really the only things I worry about, and the app/daily planner really helps with everything else ;) 

Why Advocare 24 Day challenge?

"I knew it was time when I watched Rob try to put on an XL ski vest at Torch Lake, and he couldn't zip it. I thought, "ugh. that's not good....and I bet I couldn't do it up, either."

I lost weight pretty easily after G (my third child) was born, but it came back as I was breastfeeding, and I watched it continue to climb. I went back to curves, but it wasn't enough. I knew I needed to do something pretty drastic. My energy has been super low and I've been at 3-4 cups of coffee a day (with LOTS of creamer!) when my friend, Jess, who'd had her third a month before G was born started talking about how much energy spark gave her. She asked if anyone wanted to join her 24 day challenge with Advocare, and I was in."

I wrote this the first week of August.  I'd met Jess through MOPS two years before and I'd watched her lose almost 50 pounds on Advocare nutritional products pretty quickly.  I was jealous of how quickly she'd lost weight.  I was fed up with me--I'd convinced myself that the size 18 I then fit into was temporary or that sizing had changed and my stomach muscle after baby 3 needed more time to bounce back.

Excuses.  I knew it.  I was desperate to do something and thought if I put more money into it this time, I might work harder at it. My husband wasn't happy about the money and at first told me honest to goodness, "Fine, waste your money if you want to, but don't cry when it doesn't work."  Normally he's not that harsh, but that's how bad/frustrating weight had gotten for me and he knew it.  Weight loss was always going to be a challenge for me, and we all knew that--heck, we'd watched me try and fail to stop the 80 pound weight gain I'd had in the 11 years we'd been married. 

Let me back up.  Things had gotten so bad for me in High school with my periods, bloating and cramping that I was having trouble going about my regular school schedule and  I went to my family doctor begging for relief.  She had told me was just being overweight and I should just get in shape.  Things didn't get better, though I did try controlling it with the pill, which caused break outs, mood swings and a host of other issues.  I felt miserable at least a full week out of every month. 
After college, getting married, going to grad school and moving around a bit I found a new doctor I was FINALLY diagnosed in 2009 with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  For those who don't know, it is a form of insulin resistance that makes weight loss hard,  makes it hard to get pregnant the first time, hormones are rarely under control (facial hair and depression--yay!) and did I mention it makes weight loss hard?  Yes, they put me on Metformin, which helped with hormones and getting pregnant (surprise to us!  3 months after hearing we might NEVER get pregnant and might never really have my symptoms under control, I was pregnant and in my first year of a PhD program.  Oh boy.  And stress!) but the weight loss part?  I was very careful how much I gained with my first, only gaining about 20 pounds and it came off.  But I was still overweight.  And then with my second, I was exercising and lifting hydraulic weights regularly and the weight didn't come right off...and then WOW.  Surprise pregnancy with #3, finding out 15 months after my second.  That weight?  REFUSED to come off and stay off.  it would come down, then bounce up.  I was exercising, eating better, chasing a kindergartener and a toddler and feeding a new baby and...

I saw a weight on the scale that made me cry. Seriously, it was one I NEVER wanted to reach and my clothes were all still my maternity stuff and yoga pants when I wanted to be comfortable.  I swore that I was not eating poorly, I was playing with my kids (though EXHAUSTED!) and it. wouldn't budge.  I hated pictures, hated looking in the mirror, hated trying to buy clothes.

So I turned to my friend and said, "let's do this."  It's easier doing it with someone you know. 

And then a VERY bizarre thing happened.  Christa called and was talking to me about it--I didn't know Christa, but Jess did, and she told me Christa had been doing this longer and would have advice.  I thought the calls would stop.  They didn't.   And....those who know me, know that I'm NOT a phone person, especially with people I don't know.  It was WEIRD at first.   But I actually started looking forward to those calls because, well, within three days of starting the challenge, I woke up and heard:
Rob:  no....
Me:  What?
Rob: It can't be.
Me: What?
Rob: *sighs* you DO look like you've lost weight.

YEP.  I didn't lose a ton of weight at first, but let me tell you, the inches started coming off!  For the first time in YEARS, I felt like I was making positive progress and my efforts were paying off.  I lost ELEVEN inches on my first challenge, and it became addictive.  Christa kept calling to check in and tell me about other challenges coming up (28 to great and lean in 13 are other options with different supplement/variations), and then her friend Jaclyn called, and then our team lead, Ashton called and...

Pretty soon I realized that it wasn't just about weight loss--it was a lifestyle change that was really changing me--more water, less sugar/coffee, more veggies, less bread.  Don't get me wrong--I struggled and still do with parts of it and forget trying to get my kids to eat veggies (well, I try!) but I had new recipes and new friends and new support groups that really DID hold me accountable and cheer when I made those little goals. 

I'd say THAT'S why Advocare to anyone who asks--even for someone with insulin resistance like me who's had to FIGHT to lose every inch and pound, it's working.  It's a lifestyle change, but it's not lonely.  I've made more connections in this 7-8 month period than I'd made for probably 7 years prior to that. Advocare is similar to some of the other stuff out there in terms of supplements, but I have yet to find a group like my Advocare team that's encouraging, challenging, and so driving in my faith life, self care and in my health.  I've seen my kids start slowly eating better, drinking more water...and Rob?  well...he saw how much energy I was getting from Spark after I gave up coffee that he started sneaking some--and HE'S lost inches and often shares Advocare and how much it's changing my life and his even more than I share!  (again, we're introverts and he more than me, so it's really funny to me how chatty he gets over spark!) I love the support system here, and I love how I can pay it forward--Jess, Jaclyn, and Christa have invested time and energy into me, and I have started getting to do that for others.  I love coaching and helping problem solve--and I especially love doing challenges with others because, heck, we're all in this together!