"Be a Thermostat, not a Thermometer"

Several weeks ago, as we were really struggling with Tristan challenging everything we asked him to do, we were able to attend a seminar through our school district called "Therapeutic Limit Setting."  The goal was to teach us language we could use to communicate better and leave us all feeling a bit more empowered.  It seeks to give kids' choices, but choices everyone can live with like so:

Parent:  It's time for bed!
Child:  No, I wanna play!

Parent:  I know you want to play, but it's time for bed.  You have a choice--do you want to crawl to your room or do you want to race mama to your room?  It's your choice.

It sets up a pattern: 1) acknowledge feelings 2) set boundary or boundaries 3) offer choices that still fit within the boundaries we're maintaining.  Many times even step 1 makes a HUGE difference in our house or allows Tristan to explain more about  his feelings and thoughts and allows us to create choices that make him happier (and easier to put to bed or transition to the next thing):

Parent:  It's time for bed.
T:  No, I wanna play!

Parent: I know you want to play, but it's time for bed.
T: I wanna play with the train!
Parent: ah, you want to play with the train, but it's time for bed.  You have a choice--do you want to drive the train to the bathroom, and then brush your teeth or do you want to drive your train to your room and read a bedtime story first.  It's your choice.

This doesn't always work.  Admittedly.  Which is where the most valuable piece of advice we were given came into play.

"Be a Thermostat, not a Thermometer"

It's all about how we approach situations.  If we're constantly reacting to tantrums, we're causing an escalation, instead of maintaining our own boundaries.  It's hard NOT to rise to our kids' challenge.  You want to defend against "you're a meanie! I hate you!"  But it's intended purpose often is to simply make you forget the boundaries.  So the 'trick' is to be a thermostat--stay set within the parameters/boundaries yourself, and not reacting to where the kids are trying to push.

Then a very funny thing happened last night.  We were discussing worship and some concerns that had arisen with behaviors, and I was trying to make a point about how kids wouldn't learn by us shushing (which we'd already outlawed in our kid-friendly worship anyway) or by telling them not to do things but that we needed to model for them-constantly and consistently--what worship looks like and what our attitudes look like.  I didn't have much success putting this into words, I don't think.  But when I talked to Rob (my husband) later, he said

yeah, it's like "be a thermostat, not a thermometer," right?  and it suddenly clicked.

Some perceived boundaries were gone when we stopped shushing (a conversation I had with a high schooler earlier in the week had informed me of this), and so we needed to establish others clearly.  It wasn't a matter of those in service not adopting worship practices--it was a matter of not knowing what those practices were/are.

So the challenge now becomes establishing that thermostat in such a way that is loving and embracing, instead of creating one that turns into a thermometer and causes frustrations.

Zaccheus

KFW 11/3/2013

Zaccheus (Luke 19:1-10)

Once there was a man named zaccheus.  There are four things you need to know about Zaccheus before we get started:  1) Zaccheus was very very short. 2) Zaccheus had a LOT of money 3) nobody liked Zaccheus very much because he had a LOT of money, which he got by collecting taxes.  Ask your mom and dad—they probably don’t like tax collectors much either.  And 4) Zaccheus lived in the city of Jericho.

Our story today begins with Jesus coming to Jericho.  People were very excited to see Jesus.  Can you cheer “Hooray!  Jesus is here!”  There were CROWDS of people EVERYWHERE just trying to see Jesus!  Zaccheus stood trying to see Jesus, but he couldn’t see over all the people. He was too short! He tried to move closer.  “Excuse me!  Coming through!”  He’d say—he though he was VERY important because he had such an important job and he knew Jesus would want to see him!  He still couldn’t see Jesus! He was too short! He tried to move closer, and STILL couldn’t see him.  So do you know what he did?  He climbed a BIIIIIIG Sycamore tree!  Can you climb with me. Up, up, up, up!  And he looked out over the crowd (put a hand over your eyes) and he kept looking for Jesus! Far in the distance he could see Jesus coming!  He kept watching as Jesus got closer and closer and closer! 

As soon as Jesus got to that spot, he looked up into the tree and called, “Zaccheus!  Come down!  Right now! I must stay at your house today!”  (have the kids repeat with you, a phrase at a time).  WOW!  The people around him were mad!  They said, “how can Jesus go to his house?  Zaccheus is not very nice!  He takes our money and then talks all about his money!”

Zaccheus thought.  He came down and said to Jesus, “Here Lord—I now give half of everything I have to the poor, and if I have been unfair, I will give them each four times what I should give them to be fair.”   

Jesus said to him, “Today, you have made me very happy and have shown how much you love me.  You are acting like one of my children.  I came, hoping to show you my love and to love all who feel lonely.”

What did we learn?  Jesus came to love us.  Jesus will help us when we are lost or afraid, he loves us even when others think we are not nice or can’t be loved.

The paragraph that's highlighted is the one I'm struggling the most with to change into something kids can understand.  The original says that "Today salvation has come to [Zaccheus], because he is a son of Abraham."  Jesus says then that he came to save the lost.  In your own understanding, do you feel that saying his actions show him to be like one of God's children and that Jesus came to share love and help those who feel lonely is an okay interpretation for kids?  How else can we maybe integrate the story of Zaccheus into their frame of understanding? 

Jacob Wrestles

Jacob Wrestles (Genesis 32:22-31, pp. 46-47 in the spark bible)

Abraham had a son, and his name was Isaac.  Isaac had a son, and his name was Jacob and JACOB was a brave man who wasn’t afraid to speak up and ask questions.  Where’s Jacob—oh here he is!    

Ok…

Jacob was on his way home from a long trip (walk, walk, walk, walk).  He stopped by a river to sleep one night.  Can you pretend to sleep?  ZZZZZZ…

During the night, a man woke Jacob up (pssst!  Psst! Taps Jacob) Jacob was surprised.  Can you make a surprised face? Then the man started wrestling Jacob.  “Who are you?  What do you want?”  Jacob wondered.

They wrestled.  And wrestled.  And wrestled some more.  How long do you think you could wrestle with someone?  How long does it take until you’re tired?  How about very tired?  Well, Jacob and the man wrestled alllllll night until the sun came up.  Jacob would not give up!  He would not stop.  “Let me go!”  cried the man.  “No!”  said Jacob “Not until you have blessed me!”  The man asked “What is your name?”  “Jacob,” said Jacob.  The man then blessed Jacob, and said,  “Now you will have another name.  Israel.  It means that you have wrestled with God!”

What a surprise!  Could it be true?  Could Jacob have been wrestling not with another man but with GOD?  Jacob wrestled God, and God blessed him!  Jacob hurried the rest of the way home—what a story to tell his family!

Have you ever had to do something very, very difficult?  Did you talk to God, asking for  his help as you did?  What are some difficult things that God has helped you to do through him?

______

I'm not sure this is enough for the kids for Sunday, but I have to admit that this is one of my favorite old Testament stories.  It's a little obscure, sure, but...how many times do we, as adults, sometimes feel like we're wrestling with God himself in the midst of trials, begging to come out of it, stronger, and feeling like we've been heard?  As I was working on this, it became intensely personal.  I was trying to think about how to bring it to life for the kids, I found this blogger's interpretation:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/carlgregg/2011/07/a-god-who-will-wrestle-with-you-until-daybreak-a-progressive-christian-lectionary-commentary-on-genesis-32-for-sunday-july-27/

He brings into play here a great book by Henri Nouwen--"The Wounded Healer" and the notion that Jacob could use that hurt (the hip socket injury) for his own purposes (a wounded wounder who would take out that pain on others) or for God's glory--becoming a wounded healer.  The second option takes a great deal of humility and care, but Jacob does manage to go before his brother, Esau, and ask forgiveness.  While Jacob 'prevails' in this encounter, it is used by God to shape Jacob as an even better leader.  In fact, I'd almost say that in Jacob's winning, he's reminded of his own smallness and the love of God who was willing to take human form and willing to let Jacob struggle in order to be transformed.

Much of the last 2 years has felt this way for me, personally.  Most who see our older son from afar see a pretty wild child still.  He's busy, loud, defiant, and often violent when he doesn't get his way.  Trust me, he's  disciplined at home and we keep pretty firm rules...but there are children unlike others and Tristan is one that often has me on my knees begging God for a break, for more sleep, more energy, less tears and frustrations, a closer relationship with other moms and kids--and a few fewer bruises, scratches and fears about his ability to be a good member of society as he grows up.  

Many people have felt free enough to tell me in public that he needs discipline or I must be missing something or another in my parenting.  Let me tell you, it's hard not to lash out sometimes, knowing that they only see that moment and believe that I'm not stepping up to help him grow into an empathetic, articulate and disciplined individual because we've put hours into workshops, working with therapists, training, books, and watching other 4 year olds?  I know that not everyone has these kinds of challenges.  But then there are the parents who see us, continuing to muddle through, and feel comfortable telling us about their own struggles--or in coming to church knowing that even if their child is having trouble in behaving, they probably won't be alone.  So perhaps we are 'prevailing' in our wrestling match with God, begging him to help us through the challenges of having a Tristan, but that he's doing in in ways we didn't anticipate.  He is blessing us with new ways to reach out to others, and new levels of endurance and patience.  Come to think of it, this is one where I don't know if I'd rather God prevailed in this struggle for submission, or if he'd just do what I'd asked and give me a bit more sleep and calm in my life!

But I know I'm not in control--whether or not I prevail in the wrestling matches, it's still just about learning to see the blessing in the midst of what sometimes feels like a beating.  Can I, like Jacob, walk away excited to tell others that I have struggled/wrestled with God and prevailed in my ability to grow and in my ability to see his blessings? Or will I sit and focus on how hard it's been,  and how little I see God doing what I wanted him to do?

For Oct 13: Curious George Meets the Gospel

Jesus and the 10 Lepers/Lessons on Thankfulness

This version is still pretty rough--and I'd love to hear your suggestions on how to make this better :D

Narrator:  Hi, George!  How are you?

George: Ah haha!

Narrator: That’s good!  Oh look! (points)

Someone in the audience (obviously a plant): I have this banana in my bag—would you like some?

George: uh huh uh huh! (nods, and immediately grabs it, ‘eats’ it, and asks for more)

Narrator:  Oh George—she/he was offering to just share the banana, and there was only 1.

George throws a tantrum (have fun with it :D)

Narrator:  George, let me tell you a story about being thankful for what you have…oh!  But I think you might get bored if I just tell you.  Kids!  I need your help acting this out for George—can you help me? Okay!  Let’s go!

(From Luke 17:11-19, adapted from the Message by EAH)

^11-13  One day, Jesus was walking to Jerusalem.  Can you walk with me?  (lift your knees, swing your arms) walk, walk, walk.  As he came to a place between Samaria and Galilee, he came into a town where there where many people.  As he entered the village, 10 sick people met him.  Can you count 10 with me on your fingers?  (count to 10, lifting fingers one at a time).  They had sores all over their bodies because they had a disease called leprosy.

George:  OUCH!

Narrator:  Yes, George—OUCH!  They hurt very much! They didn’t want Jesus to get sick, though, so they called from far away—cup your hands around your mouth (demonstrate) and say it with me!, “Jesus, have mercy on us! Help us!”  (say in smaller sections so the kids can say it along with you)

, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!”

Jesus told them:

 “Go, show yourselves to the priests.”

Narrator: They started walking towards the priests, but knew they couldn’t even go into the city—people with sores were not allowed to enter the city, and definitely not the temple! They walked slowly, heads down, sad.  Walk with me—walk, walk, walk. 

They looked down and saw—they were healed!  No sores!  Yay!  (have kids say “yay!” too—they usually do on their own :D)—*Have George cheer too!*

Narrator:  but when 9 of the 10 others kept walking (walk, walk, walk), one man turned around and RAN for Jesus.  He came back to Jesus and said “Thank you” (use sign language along with words—fingertips to mouth, and move down/away and forward).  Can you say and sign it with me?  Thank you! He was so happy, he kept saying thank you over and over again!

Jesus said, “weren’t there 10 of you? Where are the other nine? No one else is thankful, except the one? Get up. Go on your way. Your faith has healed and saved you.”

Narrator: See George? 10 men (raise 10 fingers) were given something by Jesus, but only 1 (lower 9 of the fingers) came back to said thank you—and Jesus told him how good it was to be thankful and say thank you.  Can we teach you to say “thank you”?  (teach George the sign with help from the kids). 

Narrator:  George, do you have something to say?

George: ah ah (signs thank you).

Narrator:  Kids, is there something you like as much as George likes Bananas?  What do you want to say “thank you” to Jesus for?

Follow by singing a song of the Day--I think I like this one I found, sung to the Tune of "5 Little Ducklings"

Ten little lepers got healed that day.
But only one leper came back to say.
"Thank you, Jesus, for making me well
Many people I will tell."

Jesus asked, "Where are the nine?
I healed ten bodies and made them fine."
But only one came back to me
Remember God gives to all graciously.