Day 9: Choosing how I see my struggles and successes

A year ago, a day like today probably would have undone me completely--Donuts at MOPS (I managed to avoid then, but ate a bagel--not much better..), melting down 3 year olds, oldest coming home with a stomach bug and then all 3 kids having stomach issues.  Lots of crying, begging me to get things, and barely a moment to collect myself.

And, absentmindedly, I ate part of a donut. I was focused on getting in more protein, keeping my cool, mind from attacking itself. And still that familiar "I'm not sure I can make it to 5 o clock without binging now that I've given in today."

So I reframed it--I resisted donuts at MOPS.  I came home and had a protein shake.  I had 6 glasses of water at MOPS and another 5 when I got home.  I am still remembering to make good choices and all is not "done."  Yeah, I'm not real pleased with the way this cleanse has gone because of little stress out/stress eatings like this one, but I keep going.

Because it's not about that "but I was doing so well and then I..." It's about "Then I..."

What I've learned is that dwelling on that and trying to focus on that only hinders things-- It's about what I do NEXT that matters.

One of the most memorable poems I know deals with this--

Cheesy, I know but kind of true.  I could sit on my duff and wallow in the fact that I was struggling, or I could look for a branch, a hand, anything--and pull myself up and right my vision.  I could think, "I ate sugar today," or "I have had almost a gallon of water so far today.  I cooked ground turkey with homemade taco seasoning.  I walked my son to and from school. I worked on my resume and job interview questions." 

These are all true--not things I would have focused on a year ago, but I try to now.  Because what comes next is "Can I drink one more glass of water right now? Can I roast some awesome onion and sweet peppers to go with dinner?  Can I have a dance party with my kids?" Trust me--it feels a lot better than the question I used to ask ("Can I keep myself from eating any more sugar?") because THIS focuses on the positive ways forward rather than focusing on avoid bad behaviors. 

I guess you could say that I realized I kept sitting in my butt prints and it was time to look around,  realize that my legs were strong and the beach was beautiful and if I stopped focusing on not falling down, I might actually run further and faster ;)