Today is, in many ways, an important milestone. A week ago, I successfully orally defended my dissertation. I'm still in the midst of a number of revisions and am praying just to graduate in December at this point, but by and large, this doctoral process has come to a close. It really took about a week for that sink in well though. It still doesn't feel like a celebration as there are "miles to go before I sleep."
...but sleep has been a very fleeting thing at my house for three years anyway.
Tristan has never been a great sleeper and, as my OB says, "you want them to eat, sleep and poop well. If any of those things aren't going well, you'll be miserable." All three were tough for us, and we tackled the eating and pooping issues first. Tristan went through phases where he was super constipated, but for the most part the diapers were often messy, awful smelling and not well formed #2. Had I known then what I know now, I would have seen the signs of lactose intolerance and gluten intolerance a lot soon. Since the diet change, progress has still been a bit slow (he sneaks regular pasta or cookies sometimes) but it's like we've watched the toxins leave his system and he's in less pain when he eats or dirties a diaper...but we knew sleep would be more of a challenge. Even on his first night home from the hospital, he tried to eat for 5 hours straight, and then would only sleep in 15 minute increments. It did get somewhat better and he did sleep completely through the night on occasion as he got close to 12-18 months but was always a very early riser, and any little change to his schedule meant a bad night (or five) of sleep as we readjusted.
Sleep changes have come through a combination of less pain when he eats, occupational therapy techniques and supplements (I think). As he's still limited in what he can eat, but growing like a weed, it's been good/important for us to work with a nutritionalist. He's up to 4 different supplements now: 2 that help with Calcium (tests showed he was low in calcium though he drank a TON of milk--which might have to do with the intolerance, or just the fact that he moves so much and burns through the supply in his system), one called "brain calm" that helps balance the levels of a neuro chemical called Gamma and--the newest one which is a life saver for us (we just started last Friday) called "Rescue Remedy" which helps with levels of adrenaline in the brain and body. We'd been through a period of several months where it took 2 or more hours to get him to sleep at night, and he was getting up at 5 (if we were lucky) or having a "party" between 1-3 am and wanted us to be next to him as he talked and talked and couldn't stop moving around. The OT we saw through special school district told us that instead of playing soft music and having soft lighting at bedtime as our primary OT had suggested (and we'd been practicing), we should not do any music or light and as we noticed him "ramp up" his activity to remove stimulation. The first night we tried it? He slept 7:30 pm-7ish am. Since then, he's had some trouble falling asleep and gotten up between 6 and 7, but it's a lot better than it was. Naps were a necessity (because he still gets super cranky and klutzy by about midday), but were also a fight. Rescue remedy right as we notice him getting hyper and klutzy has really helped with this as well. Sometimes the naps are 45 minutes and sometimes 3 hours, but the important thing is that he's waking up more communicative and happy instead of crabby like before.
The new thing for us? We'd always put locks on his door before at night because otherwise he'd wander. We stopped recently when he'd shown signs of being mama and papa-oriented. In other words, he comes to our room. More importantly, he no longer talks for 2 hours in the middle of the night! He brings his favorite pillow, his blanket and his "gog" (the stuffed wolf he sleeps with) and settles in with us. It takes a few minutes, but he falls asleep and sleeps until the alarm goes off for Rob to get up--or later. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm so grateful to have him come join us in bed. We're sleeping better (because he's actually sleeping!) and he's sleeping better (I think because he feels more safe and secure) and I'm pretty sure that we'll be able to continue this after his brother arrives--although I'm not sure how much a baby will disturb his sleep with crying and feeding so that makes me a bit nervous.
I always used to get so mad at the parents who'd said cry it out was abusive and we should just let him sleep with us. It never used to be possible. He didn't understand sleep. He wanted to talk and play whenever he was around us. This? I think he gets it, finally. This sleeping with a sleepy, semi scared (monsters, mama!) preschooler feels...normal. It's nice to feel like we're normal every once in awhile, though I know we still have a lot of challenges to face. I love watching my little guy do things now like play independently and creatively ("the dog is driving the train!") and eat different foods and most of all, sleep and understand just how much better it makes him feel :D
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