"Buckle Up"

 When I was 17, I had a dream in which I saw a church full of people weeping.  The cross at the front had been vandalized and split.  I woke up feeling 2 things: 1) that I had been called and 2) certain that that place was Japan.  I told my parents, and they sort of nodded ‘okay’ and asked if I was sure it was Japan.  I didn’t know how, but yes, I was.  In an odd/God turn of events, less than 18 months later, I found myself  in Japan serving on a short term missions team where I was singing and playing flute.  We had a chance to teach a bit of an English lesson too, and that’s where I really fell in love with teaching ESL and felt called to that as well. I expected that I would make my way back to Japan to teach, even just short term—but I haven’t.  In fact, each time I’ve had opportunity to teach in Asia since (a summer in Taiwan,  a trip as a PhD student to Thailand to talk about my work),  misfortune happened—programs being canceled in the first case, and a flood in the second that prevented travel (and then a small baby preventing me from attending the rescheduled conference a year later).

Part of me has always wondered “why?”—why the dream, what good did we really accomplish in Japan (though a friend and I on that trip did have such strong feelings in one church that we just spent an hour praying in the chapel for them). I haven’t had a dream like that or that strong of a feeling/message since—until a few nights ago.

I’ve started reading Anne LaMott’s “Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers” and even while reading it, several quotes and snippets stuck out to me.  My favorite so far is from the poet Rabindranath Tagore—

I slept and dreamt that life was joy.

I awoke and saw that life was service

I acted and behold, service was joy.

So much of what I’ve learned the past five years especially has been that while I dreamt of international ministry and teaching or that my dissertation would receive more attention, life hasn’t been that way.  It’s been a lot of faithfulness to tasks at hand, most of which are far from glamorous: working with students, listening to their stories and trying to help them along as best as I could, reading, writing and rewriting, listening to feedback, reading and rewriting again,  and wiping baby bums, cleaning up spit up, getting up at 4:30am with excited kiddos and trying to get them to eat healthy, say please and thank you and use words instead of hitting (yes, even Rory is now in this learning phase).  You know what though? There is great joy in these moments too—as lessons are learned, students connect with and are inspired by new ideas, my children learn to walk and feed themselves and say please and thank you and though so much struggle has been there for Tristan, we’ve heard so, so, so many voices of late tell us just how much they have seen him learn and grow.  Rory learning to crawl and cruise and seeing him light up as his brother talks to him all the time the last 2 weeks or so has been pretty exciting too. Service to students and children has become a joy.

But there’s more.  And I have no idea what this will mean. 

Annie says early in the book, “I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, with no proof, that my grandfather prayed for all of us kids.  And as it turns out, if one person is praying for you, buckle up.  Things can happen” (LaMott, 2012, pp.19).  It gave me chills the first time I read that.  I’ve seen a lot over the years to know just how much prayer changes me.  As I’ve watched several friends battle Cancer or loss this year, so many of them talked about how in those moments of bad news and struggle, they had never felt more surrounded by God’s love and strength—whether or not cancer went into remission or the loss got any easier.  Loss or bad news didn’t convince them that God didn’t care or didn’t exist, but rather seemed to have the opposite impact.  This is not to say that they felt God gave them the illness or loss, but that he was there as it happened and helped walk them through it. It was so inspiring to watch and in hearing their stories, I saw God working and loving and caring for not only the person walking through dark moments, but also their family and friends.

What does this have to do with anything?  Well…I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that for the first time in 14 years, I feel like God is speaking directly to me in dreams.  No clear images, at least not yet—but I keep waking up during the night and in the morning hearing “buckle up.”  I have no idea what this will mean, but the first time took me to Japan and after seeing and experiencing so much loss already this year, I’m confident that whatever I’m being called to or through, God will see me through it.  I just had to share this message—buckle up.  God is at work and doing something right now, calling us to serve in mundane ways and/or in new ways.  And he is very much here with us.