Coded talk and noticing

I'd never met her before, but we hit it off right away...I think.  I find it harder to tell with others who interview for a living like I do, as it's so hard not to be somewhat guarded and careful.  I arrived ten minutes early, ordered my spiced chai tea, set out my things and waited.  A blonde with medium length hair  in a ponytail came in and looked like she was waiting for someone, and sort of fit the description she'd given via email, but there was another tall blonde at the counter, wearing a black scarf (like she'd said in the email she might be if her kids didn't get it dirty before she came) and ordering tea.  The baristas asked the girl with the ponytail if she'd like something, and she said she was waiting for someone.  "K?"  I asked "That's me," said the woman with the chai tea and black scarf.  "Guess I'm waiting for someone else," said the girl with the ponytail as she smiled.   "I'm Emily.  It's nice to meet you," I told K and then pointed to her cup, "great minds think alike," I said.  She asked me a few questions and then apologized, "I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions.  I'm just so used to it," she said.  "It's okay.  That's your job," I replied.

We ended up going outside where the coffee grinder wasn't so loud.  Like most of my interviewees, she was comfortable enough answering the questions and telling me about her experiences, but some of her thoughts and words stood out as those that hadn't been said before, but things that I'd thought.  When I asked her about the area, she said "some of the best things about St. Louis are also some of the worst things.  Most of the people I've talked to here have lived here their whole lives.  That tells me that it's a good community to raise a family and make a life...but it also makes it really hard for people who aren't from here."  She also talked about how "fragmented" and divided the area is, in terms of people groups settling into one area, not really moving much and perpetuating stereotypes about different areas.  She talked about how you'll hear people say things like "oh you live in North County?  Isn't that a dangerous area?  Why do you live there?"  And how, though it takes time, you start to realize that there's this "code," and St. Louisans are really good at speaking it, and often what they mean by how "dangerous" or "poor" North county is  relates to the racial makeup (most people seem to think that North County is almost all Black).  As both outsiders (she grew up in the state, but not this city), we joked about how nice it is to say that we DIDN'T go to high school here, as that removes us from some of the judgements and expectations about our socioeconomic status or prejudices.  

Coded talk is everywhere, and she said that media isn't really doing its job in unpacking terms and stereotypes (not just here, but on a national level) and that, in some ways, is why she says "Being Muslim is like the new black.  Replace that term with any other racial group--or even a sexual orientation--and people would be like, 'nuh huh.  You can't say that.  That's just wrong.'" 

I've been saying that for awhile, I think.  It's like 9/11 made everyone feel like it was acceptable to single out "Arabs" (ironically sometimes targeting folks who were Indian, Pakistani or even Latino because of assumptions about the way they looked)  and Muslims.  I've even heard that justified in some of these interviews because "we now have a reason to fear them." No matter how you code it, or how you justify it, IT'S NOT RIGHT.  Some say that they just have to "wait it out until the next group that poses a threat comes into focus."  What I really don't understand is why we have to 'code' anything or single out any group.  

The other aspect that stood out was when she was talking about her son.  Her husband is from South America, and so "my son is brown," she tells me, "and he notices. He asked me the other day if he was Indian, and I told him, 'well, you're father is half Indian, and you get half of you from me and half of you from your dad, so you're a quarter Indian.  I think he was really confused, but he wants answers."  I remarked that I thought the other kids probably talked about it (he has a very diverse preschool class that she'd been telling me about), and she said, "no, you know, I think he just notices."  He's FOUR and he notices that he's brown?  That he doesn't look like some of the other kids?  Again, my white privilege at work here, but I know I didn't 'notice' that I was different from other kids until later--probably middle of elementary school, and that's because we were talking about religion and someone mentioned talked about how Hinduism was a lot more prevalent in India where he was from.  I may be way off base here, but I can't help but think that noticing comes about when our attention is drawn to it by outside factors, whether they are "overt" or "covert."  K said the same thing--about overt and covert factors existing--in terms of racism experienced by Arabs post-9/11 and religious discrimination of Muslims post-9/11.  

Covert and coded best describes so much of what I've seen and still can't really put my finger on, though I'm getting closer (thanks to those who experience the discrimination and have spoken the truth about power and have spoken power to the truth!)  Will I be able to tell you in the end of this project something you didn't know before that changes how you see the world?  I don't know.  I do know, however, that I hope the stories will touch you--or that at least one will.  I hope to break down some of this coding and help others to notice ways in which they have avoided noticing or have made other individuals feel othered.