Transitions

The data is collected, I'm writing the discussion chapter now with only the conclusion left after this (and a WHOLE lot of revisions, I imagine).  I should be defending by October and graduating by December (please pray that all of this "time frame" holds together!) I'd always just thought that this blog would end after the dissertation was done and that perhaps this would someday serve someone else's data collection purposes on the challenges of dissertation writing.

As I've discovered lately though, the toughest part of the dissertation usually has nothing to do with the writing itself; the toughest part is figuring out how to balance life WITH writing and all the things life throws at you.  Recently, life threw something BIG at my family.  We'd always known that my son was very active and "quirky," but about 6 months ago, the tantrums got worse and he seemed to struggle more and more with expressing himself and feeling overwhelmed.  Our pediatrician kept telling me not to worry about things, things I'd started to notice around the time he was one and a half or two, but they started adding up.  The tantrums started to involve hitting, biting, kicking, head butting and one time he head butted me so hard, he made my nose bleed on both sides.

The signs were there even earlier than six months ago in some ways.  We had to leave preschool at the end of October after the teacher was SURE there was something very wrong with him and she couldn't get him to do what she wanted.  I thought "strong willed," but I did also have him evaluated by the DAYC measures (Developmental assessment of Young children), and he showed up slightly delayed but not 1) autistic or even 2) qualifying for services.  They gave me the name of a different pediatrician though, and she specialized in diagnosing and helping with children who had behavioral issues.  I eventually got fed up with our first pediatrician's reassurances and called the other pediatrician.  At our very first appointment in April, Tristan hadn't slept well the night before and was showing off all of his tantrum glory.  The pediatrician immediately helped us connect with an Occupational Therapy center, though she told us it would probably take about 3 months to get our first appointment for an 'official' evaluation.  Until then, he would be diagnosed as a tip toe walker, which is what most insurance companies require in order to send a child to therapy.  He is, in fact, a tip toe walker which is often a classic symptom of autism, though he was determined not to be autistic or to be anywhere on that spectrum.

I was more relieved than worried at that point.  Relieved that we were moving towards answers to help us all cope with his energy levels and violent tantrums. I put it out of my mind until we could go, and concentrated on school, writing, and teaching.  Our first OT was this past Tuesday.

I feel like our lives have changed in a few short days.  Yes, it's answers and that's an answer to our prayers although we have to still narrow down the diagnosis.  Yes, Tristan LOVES the OT and the play/movement it involves.  Yes, I'm excited and have a number of new resources...but it's overwhelming.  He's been diagnosed as having SPD or "Sensory Processing Disorder," and has both Hyposensitivity (over stimulated) and Hypersensitivity (under stimulated and needing more input)  to different stimuli.  Yes, it moves us towards positive changes in his life and helping him cope better with his surroundings as well as explaining a number of things he does....but now I do worry some.  I worry about when he might be able to potty train, if he'll adapt okay to preschool or if we'll have pull him again, and most of all if I'll be able to ever to have a full time job that isn't him (or if his brother or sister will be able to get enough attention in the midst of this).

It's going to take years of therapy with daily use of the "brushing" technique from me, as well as a good deal of advocacy. As SPD is still not acknowledged by many physicians as a 'real' condition and schools usually take a punitive approach to dealing with it (punishing for the 'acting out' that happens when reacting to sensory stimulation), it's something that will require a lot of work on our part to make sure others understand and don't immediately stereotype him as a 'bad' or 'disruptive' child.

So what does that have to do with my dissertation?  Well...it is impacting how quickly I'm able to work and how distracted I feel lately.  More importantly though it has to do with the future of this blog.  I've come to the conclusion that this won't just end, but will transition to dealing with SPD, our family, and ways in which (I hope) our faith and faith community intersect in our lives.

Look for this to be blended for awhile, alternating between updates on the dissertation and writing  with life with SPD and how we're coping.